The Real Big Line

Some think that how much presence you have on the Internet is an indication of who will win the Boulder City Council election. Those of us in the know know that its how much involvement in the community a candidate has that makes a difference on whether they get elected. Thus, I present,

THE REAL BIG LINE

Slam dunk - these candidates will win unless they are caught reading David Thielin's endorsement of Ron Paul.

Ken Wilson (2-1) : Ok Thielin does know something about Boulder politics. This guy will win, oh, and no more liquor on the hill, ever. Unless your this tall.

Angelique Espinoza (2-1) : Ok, David is good. You go girl, your going to win. And we need a hottie to replace cute Robyn Bohannan. Plus, she is the only Boulder Tomorrow candidate, and those fascists have got to get behind one candidate. They can't vote for Adam because, well, he's never had a job. More below.

Crystal Gray (1-1) : Crystal will be the top vote getter, either one or two. Well liked by everybody, long term resident, experienced, connected to community groups. She owns like three dogs, all of whom bite, so why FI-DOS didn't endorse her, what a bark.

Susan Osborne (2:1) : Susan has been around forever dude, she knows policy, and she has the endorsements of not only PLAN Boulder perfect County, but also those reactionary jerks over at the Burrell Outdoor Coalition. (Buzz, you really are a pompass ass). She will be either one or two in the number of votes, or place third.

THE RACE: The remaining five people are competing for the three two year terms up. That means the two who loose will apply for planning board positions. Except for Matt, who will be writing more crappy columns.

Matthew Applebaum (5-1) : Thielin has this one wrong, while Matt has support, he is barely hanging on, the PBC endorsement should get him a two year seat. However, he is disliked enough that he is out of the running for a four year seat.

Lisa Morzel (3-1) : She is well known, and thinks Suzy A is a nosey b@tch. Got me and Rob Smoke's vote.

Macon Cowles (5-1) : Barely lost to toke-a-Polk, so has a chance.

Eugene Pearson (10-1) : Gay in Boulder. Frankly, the gay scene in this town sucks; it appears all there is to do if your a gay man is run for office. (See Jared Polis). How you can stand us Eugene, I cannot fathom, we are not cool. At least lesbian women in town have the Walnut Cafe.

Adam Massey (6-1) : Lazy Adam Massey. Actually, him on counsel will be a hoot; Suzy will actually hit his hand with a ruler when he answer a question wrong! Slackers need a vote too! Will definitely win a two year seat, because the BOC fascists endorsed him, and frankly, they gots nobody else. Did I mention he is lazy? But he rides a mountain bike, now that's awesome. Or a pathetic qualification.

Very unlikely - Totally impossible.

Susan Peterson (11-1) : Never heard of her.

Alan O'Hashi (19-1) : Who?

Philip Hernandez (20-1) : Whom?

Philip Bradley (30-1) : Who? Don't you livein Broomfield?

Shawn Coleman (99-1) : Young ambitious and only one of three minority candidates. Republican. Has no constituency. He has no experience. Why do people think they can be on council without first being part of the community? Coleman will not win. Ahh, but in 2009 . . .

Kathryn Kramer (42-1) : Who? See comments under Shawn Coleman.

Tom Riley (49-1) : A smart, thoughtful, articulate candidate, who thinks you can win elections by blogging. Meet your friggin neighbors dood.

Larry Quilling (61-1) : Who? Dude, apply for planning board first.

Eric Rutherford (60-1) : Who?

Rob Smoke (70-1) : Oh, I know this guy. He tries to date women too young for him. Bad move, move to Arvada, they like that there. MySpace is for those under 30, ie, not you. Rob will get less than 200 votes. I guarantee it.

Seth Brigham (75-1) : Seth is also putting in a serious effort. Ok, if you say so. Seth is so boring, I'm going to forget the remaining candidates.